Also included in this COVID Happy Meal: Two lovers, on either side of a closed door, whispering, "I can feel you.
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The gait matches, precisely, with Gritty's. You ever see someone try to run in a hazmat suit? All-out sprint. That didn't stop Songbird from showing us all kinds of pandemic-times wonders. On a cringe scale of one to The News, Songbird is Donald Trump dancing to "YMCA."īut hey. Songbird! If you had any doubt, having our lives documented, fictionalized, and beamed back at us is decidedly not fun to watch.
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There's also a fun little side plot featuring Alexandra Daddario as a sort of songstress-camgirl who gives Bradley Whitford lapdances but also flirts with Paul Walter Hauser playing an Afghanistan vet who owns a murderous drone named MAX.
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Especially the evil head of the Sanitation Department, who, shit you not, explains that he went from garbage truck driver to Big Boss because everyone ahead of him died. So, Nico really needs those bands, which throws him into the shady world of underground counterfeit band-making. Songbird's powder keg is the grandma delivering a cough that will be studied at Juilliard someday. Goth Archie plays Nico, a munie courier who's trying to score some of those bands to put on his girlfriend and her grandmother. As we hear in the mandatory, opening-credits voiceover of news bites, "It's the end of the world, bro!" If you fail? Well, fuck, the Sanitation Department ( Songbird's villainous organization, of course ) will pick your ass up and drop you in the Q Zone, which looks like District 9 for coronavirus patients. You have to take a selfie every morning, which will, somehow, tell you if you're sick or not. Unless you're a munie (?), meaning you're immune to the virus and you wear a special band that says so. First up: The virus is so bad that you can't really leave your home. It's where we fully enter pandemic fan-fiction territory. Before any of it will make sense, though, unfortunately, you need to know the rules 0f Songbird's mutated-on-mutated-on-mutated COVID world. This is the point where I tell you what Songbird is about. Drunk off its ass, a health hazard to even look at, physically painful to sit in for over 15 minutes, but hey, the first one in a future full of 'em.
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(In high school, I cheated off two guys, Frank and Gage, mashing their answers together-called them Frage-so the teacher wouldn't catch on.) But Songbird, the Michael Bay-produced thriller, which imagines a world where COVID-19 has mutated four times over four years (COVID-23!), must be the Model T of pandemic movies.
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